In this SexyBack presentation, you’ll discover:

* How being “closed” limits your sexual experience…

* Why vulnerability could be THE #1 key to making yourself irresistible to your partner!

* How to break through “sexual blocks” (hint: it’s emotional!)

Share the Sexiness

91 comments so far - add yours!

  1. mithunjoy parui says:

    i am not able to view any of these youtube videos. Do i need some special access today. I was able to watch it yesterday.

  2. Melanie Gatton says:

    This has been my favorite presentation so far. I think Mr. Sanders’ work could help a lot of people and relationships. I’m particularly interested in the violence prevention aspect of it. This presentation was heavy on evolutionary factors in our behavior. I’d like to learn more about his thoughts on the nurture side of things. (He did mention childhood traumas.) There’s nothing on his website, yet. But I bookmarked it and will return later.

  3. TC Luoma says:

    Mr. Sanders, I know that this isn’t your intent at all, but that “lizard” part of me is thinking that I can use vulnerability in a manipulative way; that if I fake it, I can get sex. Like I said, I know that isn’t your intent, and I know superficially that being intimate is a good thing, the same way as being nice is, or helping old ladies across the street, but I want to be “sold” on the concept of intimacy. Can you give me some more instruction on how to make it real; like why, other than to get sex, should I be more intimate with a woman? Like what’s in it for her, and me (other than sex). Hope that makes sense!

  4. TC Luoma says:

    I know you didn’t mean this, but the “lizard” part of me of is thinking that I can use vulnerability in a manipulative way; that I can “fake it” to get sex. Now I know in a superficial way that vulnerability is a good thing, like being nice or helping old ladies across the street, but I’m hoping you can truly “sell” me on the concept; tell me why it’s good for her and good for me, beyond sex. Hope that makes sense!

    • Melanie Gatton says:

      I think he did address this. It’s not just about good sex, but a long term relationship filled with trust AND good sex. Yes you could fake caring to get a woman to have sex with you – and many men do that all the time. But Sanders talked about how our sex lives suffer in long term relationships, and how to prevent that. If you’re just looking to manipulate women for one-night-stands, I doubt that any of these webinars will be worth your time.

  5. Jason says:

    This sounds pretty interesting, can’t wait to get to it. Chek down, on to the next one!

  6. Melanie Gatton says:

    This is my favorite presentation so far – very insightful. Mr. Sanders’ work can help a lot of people and relationships. I’m particularly interested in the violence prevention aspect. This presentation was heavy on the evolutionary factors in our behavior. I’d like to hear more about his insights on the nurture aspect. (He did mention childhood traumas.) There’s nothing on his site yet, but I bookmarked it and will check back later.

  7. TC Luoma says:

    @Melanie, I’m not looking to manipulate women into sex, but sex, at least in the beginning of the interview, was being offered as the primary carrot on the stick. I want to know more about REALLY feeling it, if you catch my drift. It’s not like most men have had much instruction on this topic. Men started to dabble in this area in the 80’s, and if memory serves, there was a societal backlash — overly sensitive men were derided as Alan Alda types who, ironically, got no sex. Then, the pendulum seemed to swing the other way, where insensitive machismo ruled. I’m just looking for more instruction because it’s a fascinating topic.

  8. Rebekka @ Becky's Kaleidoscope says:

    Absolutely loved this presentation, my favourite so far! Even though I am woman, daring to be vulnerable is something I am working on as well, as I am realizing not daring to be vulnerable is such a relationship killer.

  9. Melissa Burford says:

    I have so many people that I need to share this with. Fabulous talk!

  10. Anna G. says:

    The intimacy of conflict really resonated with me. I’ve been married for 8 years and we just recently learned each others love language. We’ve had many conflicts over goon intentions and lack of communication. Intimacy definitely grows out of letting your partner down and learning from it.

  11. L says:

    I’ve really enjoyed todays presentations. Especially the foods for sexy back! Thank you for putting this summit on!

  12. Barbara says:

    Love Paul Chek! As well as the other speakers who are new to me. Keep up the good work Sean

  13. Alyson Slaughter says:

    Loved all the presentations the past two days! Looking forward to the rest of the week!

  14. Vidya says:

    This was a great presentation! I have become much more aware of the vulnerability=connection (like you’ve never experienced before) equation. Both from experience–who knew bad boys who can articulate their vulnerability existed? I can’t go back to men who cannot/unwilling to tap into, express, and live from a place of vulnerability. There’s a real maturity around it–a raising of standards. Also having been introduced to Brene Brown’s work on Vulnerablity, she really breaks it down and has a great book and TED talk. @TC_Luoma you may want to check out her work. I think really feeling it has to do with being aware of the true source of your emotions and articulating it without holding back. It still feels scary, it’s not like you walk around ever feeling confident exposing your deepest fears, but you know by doing it you will be able to connect with people because when we see other people being vulnerable, we admire them and want to know them.

  15. Julie Demers says:

    Very interesting, even for the women out there. Thank you!!

  16. Melissa says:

    Very interesting insight. Thank you Matthew.

  17. Annie says:

    Indeed, a superior topic and discussion. The ability for a man to show real vulnerablity is one of the single most attractive qualities. Re: the bad boy phenomenon, in terms of a primal sexual connection, bad boys are fun and scary and risky and in that way add an element of fantasy… But it’s not a relationship that a WOMAN with a sense of her own power, authority and grace will buy into. Of course, I can only speak to my perspective, i view a bad boy as a sex object or a play thing then a candidate for creating intimacy with… As there is so much shame and guilt associated with sexuality, You aren’t gonna get the crazy wild passion that’s available without being vulnerable and being intimate…. You may get a taste, A couple encounters….. But the investment – like in all things – yields the most results.

  18. Mrs. W says:

    This whole talk was fascinating, but what struck me as really interesting was the study that showed how women who are on the pill have “broken sniffers” and their chemistry is screwed up. They choose bad mates. It draws a line between the high use of birth control pills…bad relationships…infertility…divorce…etc, etc. Mess with nature, it messes with you. Great talk!

  19. Peace says:

    Interesting Insight, its nice to see the male perspective supporting men becoming aware of their behavior and attitude towards women, taking some accountability for a successful union rather than women having to traditionally do the lionshare of the relationship work.
    Thank you for addressing & busting the bad boy myth. Yes, nice guys do finish last cause the bad boys never do! Real women want Real men, sensitive and masculine in one. Being vulnerable is being authentic, let the bonding begin.

  20. Jackie says:

    This was very interesting to hear the differences between what us women want vs what the guy is thinking. This was by far my favorite so far, learned so much!

    • admin says:

      Congrats on winning the comment contest! Can you send your mailing address to assistant at undergroundwellness dot com so we can get your prize out to you? Thanks!

  21. Angelica says:

    Let me just say, wow. Rings so amazingly true, especially the part about vulnerability being more powerful and more self confident than defensiveness and conflict.

  22. Jeff says:

    What a great talk. These are all so good!

  23. Samantha Williams says:

    Thank you, Matthew, for the enlightening description of the relationship between conflict and vulnerability.

  24. Jennifer says:

    Very insightful!!!

  25. Alice R says:

    Thank you for the great summit–I am excited to start applying this information, work my way towards better health and to keep learning!

  26. Terri says:

    Wow!! This one has been the best one for me so far! I know I’ve been “closed off” for a long time & I hope this helps on my journey to break thru barriers that I am facing n

  27. Candace says:

    I really loved this presentation. The science parts were really interesting. We women need all the insight we can get into the male brain and motivations. I could talk/question the presenter for hours I suspect.

  28. Maureen says:

    Great presentation. It’s a good reminder to let down my guard and not be afraid to show some vulnerability.

  29. Maureen says:

    Great presentation! Important reminder to let my guard down and show some vulnerability!

  30. Karen says:

    Would love to see a similar presentation, for women, with ways to support our men in showing their vulnerability.

  31. Judith says:

    Matthew Sanders is fascinating. I really like the way he combines his musings on evolution with his clinical experiences. Lots of great info. Loved the “cognitive tipping point” insight.

  32. Elizabeth McBain says:

    This was easily the best presentation so far. I watched it with my husband and it really reached him. At the point of “but she wants to sleep with your empathy” my husband stopped the presentation, looked me right in the eye and asked me “is that right?” and I had to say it was. No-one is invulnerable, so letting yourself be vulnerable sometimes show honesty. The trust being vulnerable with one another brings really lets you relax. And relaxation and trust together can make huge differences to your physical response to sexual intimacy. Think of the difference between the performances of sports team composed of individually great players but there is no real bond and that of a team where the players really know and trust one another. That’s the difference between sex with the guards up and sex in the context of a trusting, honest relationship. Really insightful.

  33. Allison says:

    This gave me a lightbulb moment. Being vulnerable causes us to connect.

  34. Minda says:

    This was a great talk. Thank you. Being real is very sexy because it show confidence in oneself an

  35. Tansy Rodgers says:

    Great information with a lot of inspiration. Thank you!!

  36. Kerry Bean says:

    I really liked how the research was interwoven with the explanations of some important aspects of our relationships. It’s given me a lot to think about. Thanks!

  37. Maggie says:

    Great presentation. It gave me a lot to think about.

  38. Carol says:

    Interesting how he discussed the research around womens’ and mens’ brains around sex vs. the physical arousal.

  39. Gray says:

    Loved this talk. We’ve been working on vulnerability and connection in therapy. This talk ties it all together.

  40. Aaron says:

    This has been great. Can’t wait for the rest.

  41. Kelsey says:

    Add a comment…

  42. Larry Katz says:

    Dr sanders is amazing, I have had to listen a number of times to
    Try to absorb all the information and observations he presented.
    This was by far the best presentation so far and I am looking to find where I can hear one of lectures in person.
    I couldn’t find any books by him on amazon, does anyone know if he has any publications? I assume he must.

  43. Kelsey says:

    Enjoying all the presentations so far, learning and thinking about a lot. Love the holistic nature of these talks that don’t just focus on the physical health, but also on sexual, mental, emotional, spiritual health.

  44. Larry Katz says:

    Dr sanders presentation is amazing, I have had to listen a number of times to absorb all the info and insights he presented.
    The most insightful person I have listened to in a very long time.
    Would like to get some info on dates of his lectures as I would love to attend one. Bravo for bringing him on board here, by far the best presentation so far.

  45. Larry Katz says:

    Sorry, I posted twice, didnt think the first one went through

  46. ashley says:

    I wish my boyfriend was around today for this! We have discussions about trusting more and being vulnerable all the time. Great presentation!

  47. Allison B says:

    Good presentation to top off a great Day 2!

  48. Selina says:

    I also found the “cognitive tipping point” info very interesting. It’s not enough to be physically aroused but the brain has to get involved. I also appreciated the examples of how to approach a conflict about money or sex in a vulnerable way as opposed to a confrontational way. Very helpful!

  49. Elise says:

    Another great presentation! Wonderful info in here.

  50. Aubrie says:

    This was really insightful about how we think and are wired so differently! I discussed it with my boyfriend, and we spoke for hours after what I learned today sparked such a neat, insightful conversation. I admitted to my bf how I am frustrated when he tells me he isn’t thinking of anything when I ask him, “What are you thinking about?” And I told him I understand better now! How crazy.

  51. Shawnfyi says:

    Thank you Mr. Sanders. I appreciate the work that you do.

  52. Heather says:

    I’m really starting to feel hopeful-that there are some real tools I can use to make my marriage even better and more fulfilling for both of us!
    Thank you!

  53. Natasha says:

    This is a really great Summit !! Thx for putting it in place, it’s all going seemlessly, bravo !

  54. Erin says:

    WOW. SO many things made sense. I would LOVE to know more about the difference between male and female brains. Thank you!

  55. Nancy says:

    I really liked this presentation. Great topic. Great summit. Great thanks to Sean and the team!

  56. Angela says:

    True that!

  57. Jessica Campbell says:

    I loved this, so much fun information. Thanks Sean for hosting.

  58. Anna Aspnes says:

    Really great information. Thanks for all your time and effort.

  59. Jen says:

    I watched this with my husband and it really got the conversation flowing. This was better than any marriage seminar we’ve been to. Thanks so much for sharing!

  60. Nicole says:

    LISTEN UP GUYS! As a woman, yes, we want our men to open up and be sensitive and vulnerable, but still be masculine and dominant. This is so very sexy and makes us weak in the knees! Love us, cherish us, make us feel like your goddess and that we are wanted and needed. I think many times we feel used physically and lacking emotionally. Give and don’t be selfish, take your time exploring her body, everywhere not just sexual areas. Tell her she’s beautiful, tell her the things you love about her both physically and emotionally. If we feel loved and cared for and appreciated then we feel sexual and open and safe. Treat us as though we are giving you a gift because it is. Don’t ditch the masculine dominant role though because we love this. The key is making her feel helpless but yet loved and that she can trust you. The dominant/submissive roles are very appealing. Grab her throat gently, pull her hair a little, give her a slap on the ass, tell her what you’re going to do to her as you whisper in her ear, but know the woman you are with before you do this of course. Every woman will be different with what she likes. Pay attention and listen to her cues. Know when to go slow and when to be hot and heavy. Passionate soft slow kissing is a sure way to start things off right. This gives us time to get our mind into it, which is so very important.

    On another note, the whole smell test they did with the tshirts I can say is so true, hence part of the reason I am divorcing. I was on the pill and did not pick the right mate. Once I got off it I couldn’t understand why I just wanted nothing to do with him sexually and thought it was because my hormones were adjusting. As the years passed and I still just was not attracted anymore and I thought something was wrong with me. Now I know better. There are other factors too of course, but pheromones are a definite indicator of choosing the right mate. Interesting stuff!

  61. Shauna P says:

    Only in Day Two of the summit and already feeling the seXy coming back!!! This summit rocks Sean and team, thanks! Every presentation so far has been stellar! …and Sanders is SO right, a vulnerable but strong man–that’s where it’s at.

  62. Dave Kawamoto says:

    The best one yet. Can’t wait for the rest.

  63. Dave K says:

    Presentations getting better all the time. Can’t wait for the rest!

  64. Dacia says:

    Wow. This workshop really blew my mind. I never really realized that women are attracted to cockiness and yet they want man to strip down and be vulnerable at the same time. It all clicks now! Thanks for this inspirational discussion!

  65. Janneke says:

    I am so excited that there is a program aimed at the sexual pleasure in married couples. I have learnt so much so far! Keep ’em coming! (no pun intended.. really)

  66. Val says:

    Transparency is absolutely incredibly sexy! Really appreciate this session!

  67. Jane says:

    I really appreciate this presentation. I know there is more to getting my sexy back than just eating right and adjusting my hormones. Although that is important too.

  68. Helen says:

    I found this presentation so insightful and I’m going to be sharing the information with my partner asap!

  69. Jennifer says:

    I need more hours in the day to watch all of these! I’m glad I got this one in for sure.

  70. Heather says:

    Great insight and I love the list of sexy foods!

  71. Katalin says:

    Great stuff! xx

  72. LORI says:

    I agree! Intimacy REQUIRES vulnerability.

  73. Mary says:

    Great presentation. Thanks!

  74. Justin says:

    Very profound. Wish i had this info many many relationships ago.

  75. Latricia says:

    Loving the SexyBack Summit – and it’s only day two!

  76. Andrew Garrod says:

    This was wonderful for myself. I finally was able to talk to my wife last night after what seems like months of communication breakdown. I kept projecting the blame for her not understanding me when I was constantly talking in a way that put her on the defense. I realize now thanks to Matt Sanders that being open and vulnerable about my feelings and fears instantly helps us connect. After 13 years of marriage and 3 young children we were becoming very worried that we were growing in different directions, losing our connection, and enevitably looking at a divorce.

    That now is changing, thanks to Matt Sanders!

  77. Nancy G says:

    Wow, this opens a door for a new world!

  78. Jan says:

    I really love all the presentations! So informative and intuitive that it seems like we lost our roots to be human.
    Thank you for bringing this all up!
    Everyone enjoy the next days!

  79. Glo says:

    Matt is so refreshing for both of us. “Blame” is definitely of the egoic thinking and we are both more open to understanding each other. As a wife………I love, love, love to be ‘visible’ to my husband AND I love, love, love when my husband shows up with TRUE authenticity from a genuinely ‘loving’ position. Defensiveness creates dreadful blocks in communicating effectively and inevidably, both of us shut down and experience tremendous hurt thru this unnecessary behavior. Thanks a million Matt!!
    I haven’t missed a speaker and they are ALL have so much valuable ‘life’ information.

  80. Shannon says:

    I am loving the few presentations I have been able to listen to. Unfortunately, with all of the storms the last 2 days, I have missed quite a few :(

  81. Michelle says:

    Loving The SexyBack Summit! This has been my favorite presentation so far. Very insightful and full of great, useful information. Thank you Matt Sanders!!

  82. Chelsie says:

    Lost access an hour before it was scheduled to close :(

  83. Rebecca says:

    Told my husband he needed to listen to Matthew’s talk about vulnerability, but then I just went ahead and spoke to him about the major points and how they could be applied to our singular relationship. Even a little bit of talking soaked in like a sponge!

  84. Emily Stevenson says:

    I could listen to Matt Sanders speak for hours! By far the best, most interesting, informative, and funny presentation yet!!

  85. Ashley says:

    Totally hit the nail on the head! Loved it, hoping I can explain this to my husband a little bit! Thank you for making things so easy to understand!

  86. Sarah says:

    To start out, Matt, your ability to speak and relay thoughts and ideas is phenomenal, I could listen to you all day! This has to be one of my favorite seminars yet, the information that you provided has helped me realize areas where I have had issues in my past as well as why certain areas have flourished. I hope to be able to share this information with my boyfriend to further improve our relationship, thank you!

  87. Jennifer Hammond says:

    Loved Matthew Sanders chat! Also loved the nutrition information from Yuri (?). Can’t wait for day 3!

  88. Raza says:

    Excellent presentation!
    My favorite so far, full of super interesting new info even for me.
    So: that was “vulnerability”. What about “Accountability”?